There are only three things in the world that I hate, and one of them is adverts.
This is the first of 3 blogs I'm going to write over 3 consecutive days, in a trilogy of blogs that I'm calling: Failing My Degree.
So one minute you're watching Come Dine With Me and shouting "CUNT" at the TV, and the next you're watching adverts and shouting "CUNT" at the TV. The ones that try to be clever end up funny, the ones that try to be funny end up annoying, and the ones that try to be cool end up pretentious. They're nasty, obtrusive and about as welcome as a fork in the eye. And there's only one thing worse than adverts: Christmas adverts. I've talked a bit about adverts before, here and here. And the brilliant Charlie Brooker wrote this great article about Christmas adverts recently so I'm going to avoid mentioning any of the ones he covers so masterfully. (Watch his "Biggest Cocks (And She-Cocks) In Advertising" videos on YouTube, they are the best.) But here are the 5 worst adverts I've seen recently:
"Mmm, Bieber." Isn't he like, 9? Is that OK? I thought this was an Alien, not a Predator.
4. Marks & Spencer
"Only at your M&S." My M&S?! But I'm neither Marks nor Spencer! Unless they mean it's only at my local branch. But then why advertise it on national TV? And how do they know where I live? What am I talking about? Oh well, I'm off to buy a seriously delicious looking apple strudle.
3. Thai Life Insurance
Kathryn tweeted about this horribly manipulative piece of awful. And it's far too long.
2. I can't remember
It was for some shop, I'm sure someone can tell me which, but it started: "Love Christmas? Love Peter Kay!" What kind of an assumption is that? What fascinating piece of research led to that particular conclusion? "CUNT"
1. Hair Dye
Specifically, hair dye adverts in which we see couples with exactly the same hair colour. They look like chemically-enhanced mutants committing incest.
Stop sniffing your sister!
Anyway, I will leave you with the Reel Big Fish song that this blog is named after, enjoy!