Thursday, 31 August 2017

First It Gwyneth Then It Taketh Away

My string of monthly blogs was recently broken when I managed to smash my laptop screen (that'll teach me to watch M. Night Shyamalan movies on YouTube), but I have to come out of hibernation to comment on one of my favourite subjects: Goop. 

The pseudoscience website where magicians are physicians has come in for a fair share of criticism lately, "fair" being the operative word. First, the medical community criticised the brand for recommending placing jade eggs in your vagina. Then NASA had to step in to address false claims made by Goop over so-called "energy stickers". Then last week, an advertising watchdog complained about the company's deceptive marketing. And those are just the tip of the lettuce.

Head-in-a-box actor Gwyneth Paltrow hit back at her critics yesterday, when she had this to say on her friend's podcast:

The website recently attacked OB/GYN and awesome Goop critic Dr Jen Gunter for swearing, but I guess it's ok when GP does it because she's paying them.

Anyway, Gwyneth thinks that when people call her out for disseminating misinformation it's "so deeply unfair," because apparently she's becoming the Donald Trump of... whatever the fuck it is she does. How dare you hold me to human standards of decency. Don't you know who I am? I was in Mortdecai.

She continues: "I wish that people would actually like read the article or do their homework." They're scientists. They have done their homework. Dr Jen Gunter? Done her homework. NASA? Done their homework. That's kind of the point. 

You know who hasn't done their homework? The shamans, spiritualists, medical mediums, dumpling enthusiasts, psychological astrologers, integrative structural specialists, pelvic floor authorities, herbalists and go-kart specialists who write for Goop. And yes, those are all taken from the website. I collect them on post-it notes and stick them on my computer at work. Because yes, I do like read the articles.

Paltrow, however, does not - at least according to her recent appearance on Jimmy Kimmel, where she admitted: “I don’t know what the fuck we talk about!” It's possible that she was joking. It's also possible that she wasn't, and that she has as much contempt for her audience as one might expect from someone who was in Mortdecai.

To Gwyneth Paltrow, a hypocrite is just some sort of healing stone you might put in your anus. It doesn't matter what Goop says, as long as the revenue and snake oil is flowing. There is no lie too big for Goop to print, no product too useless to flog, and no methods too low to do so. 

"Your work stands for itself," adds Paltrow. Who was in Mortdecai