There are only three things in the world that I hate, and one of them is the Church of England rejecting female bishops.
But that's enough of the boring stuff, on to more important matters. I recently wrote a blog about cats who die in horror films, and there's only one thing worse than when a cat dies. No, not when a human dies... when a dog dies.
A dog is a man's best friend, with the possible exception of robots like Siri. So if you want to send a message to someone in a horror film and they don't have a child or email, kill their dog. Because of this bond we have with dogs, they're a good vessel for some easy emotional manipulation or aliens.
So here are my top 5 dogs who die in horror films: (WARNING: Contains spoilers and dead dogs.)
5. The Hills Have Eyes
Wes Craven's exploitation classic features a pair of dogs called Beauty and Beast, convincingly played by Flora and Striker respectively. According to IMDB they've not appeared in anything else since, but considering Craven's success you'd have thought he could throw them a bone.
Sorry. Anyway, Beauty meets an unpleasant end when she's killed and fed to a girl as punishment. Just like her namesake in Disney's Beauty and the Beast.
I won't spoil Ben Wheatley's new black comedy because it's not out until the 30th. I was lucky enough to see it at Celluloid Screams and I wrote about it here. All I'll say is this: it's brilliant, and there's a brilliant dog death.
The dog in Alien³ winds up as dead as the Alien franchise, as an Alien bursts out of its stomach. It's horrific stuff, but infinitely more watchable than Prometheus.
Apparently, their plan to make the Alien was to put a real dog in an Alien costume. They decided against it because it didn't look huge and terrifying like an Alien, more cute and adorable like a dog. It would be difficult to believe that this Alien will be the total destruction of humanity when it's always humping someone's leg.
I know it's not a horror film, but it is one of the worst scenes in anything ever. Maybe it's just me, but the bit where Batman walks off holding that adorable puppy is hilarious.
Incidentally, that scene was a rejected Andrex advert. They felt that "toss it back in, I'll finish it off" wasn't an appropriate slogan.
1. The Thing
That, from John Carpenter's sci-fi/horror classic, is why you should get pet insurance. And a flamethrower.
Thanks for reading. Next time - hamsters! I'll leave you with the Led Zeppelin song after which this blog is named, enjoy!