Tuesday 13 September 2011

Thinking About Things

There are only three things in the world that I hate, and one of them is having to come up with something to write here for every fucking blog.

Anyway, I've been, to quote the band Catch 22, 'Thinking About Things.'

'You idiot,' I hear you say, 'you clearly just can't think of anything to blog about, and are attempting to hide that fact behind the veil of what is actually one of Catch 22's worst songs, from the largely underwhelming 2000 album 'Alone in a Crowd,' despite the obvious importance of the band's contribution to third-wave ska.' Well firstly, I reply, you know an impressive amount about ska/punk. Secondly, shut up. Here's 5 'things' that I've been 'thinking about.'

1. Facebook is a depressing place at the best of times, but now it's full of groups and statuses which go, 'That awkward moment when...' For instance the group, 'That awkward moment when you send a text to the wrong person.' My problem with these is mainly grammatical. It isn't a sentence. I wouldn't mind if it was, 'I hate that awkward moment when you send a text to the wrong person', or even, 'That moment when you send a text to the wrong person is awkward.' But it's always just, 'That awkward moment when you send a text to the wrong person,' which leaves me thinking, '...go on? What about it?' But they have nothing to say about it, it's always just an ill-conceived piece of forced observation.

2. On a happier note, I've been watching the brilliant US sitcom Community, which I love. But british comedian John Oliver is in it, and I remember him from Mock The Week, and now he's in a massive American TV show! It makes me worry that Frankie Boyle could pop up in Boardwalk Empire.

3. I was using some soap, but it wasn't called soap, it was called a 'Dove Beauty Cream Bar.' Which makes it sound like a delicious item of confectionary you'd get from a vending machine. But it didn't taste delicious, because it was soap.

4. Free Schools are concerning. I have all the usual worries about how the funding should be used to improve existing schools, rather than giving it to what will largely be middle-class ventures; about the proportion of Free Schools which are geared towards religion; about the use of unqualified teachers. That seems like an odd idea. Also, the Tory focus on 'discipline' is one that sets me slightly on edge.

5. The Tories also want to scrap the 50p tax rate, one such Tory being Nigel Lawson. When Nigel Lawson - a man so arrogant, my politics teacher used to say, that he named his daughter after himself - agrees with a policy, it may be time to abandon it. The 50p tax rate affects the top 1% of UK earners, with whom it is hard to sympathise when they complain about being 'punished,' given that the government's cuts will not affect them. Also concerning is the way the BBC use headlines like, 'Top 50p tax rate damages UK, say economists.' Oh, 'economists' say that do they? Well who are we to argue with 'economists'? Gramsci would be spinning.

Thanks for reading, I will leave you with the excellent So Cold by Catch 22 seeing as you love them so much. Enjoy!

Tuesday 6 September 2011

I Must Have Missed The Grow-Up Sign

There are only three things in the world that I hate, and one of them is birthdays.

Today I turn 20. That is terrifying. I can't stop being a teenager, I've relied on being a teenager as an excuse for being an idiot and doing fuck nothing all day. I'll have to do grown-up things like 'being responsible' and 'working' and 'getting up'. Literally minutes ago I was reading the news and I laughed at the phrase 'penal system.' I read the headline 'Alien worm invasion 'threat to forests'' and thought 'cool!' and didn't read the article. Here are 5 of the thoughts I had upon waking up on my 20th birthday:

1. Where's MY fucking google homepage tribute?

2. I've only just got used to saying that I'm 19. Now, when asked my age, I'll get so confused that I'll end up just bursting into tears.

3. Whatever happens today, it cannot beat my birthday last year, when we found my friend naked in the fetal position.

4. I'm now officially older than Eric Forman from That '70s Show ever was. My life is over.

5. Maybe I could deliberately contract a Millennium Bug style virus to revert to the age of 10?

See, I'm clearly not ready. The title of this blog is from the song 'Good Luck' by the amazing Big D & The Kids Table with which I'll leave you, enjoy!