Saturday, 31 December 2011

Top Five

There are only three things in the world that I hate, and one of them is 2011.

The BBC news was dominated by headlines about the royal family, but then why would we want to read about boring, unimportant shit like foreigners being killed? Then yesterday Geoffrey Howe tried to deny stuff that definitely happened. Poor man, it's as if you say one thing and suddenly you're branded as having actually said that thing. Though my memory is obviously not great, considering my summary of the events of 2011 only goes as far back as yesterday.

I may have become blinded by anger. Just a few nights ago I dreamt that I went up to Beyoncé and said, "Oh you fucking cunt." Then last night, after becoming disproportionately annoyed with 2 people on Facebook, I spent about an hour thinking, "if I could line them both up so that if I punched one of them, their head would knock painfully into the jaw of the other, which one of them would I punch?"

But instead of all that, I'm going to talk about my favourite things of 2011. Because in spite of everything, some great stuff came out of this year. Here are five Top Fives:

5. Take Shelter
4. Wuthering Heights
3. The Guard
2. Drive
1. We Need To Talk About Kevin

Not forgetting Senna, Super, A Separation, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, Super 8, The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, Scream 4, Attack The Block...

TV Drama:
5. The Shadow Line
4. This Is England '88
3. Doctor Who
2. Black Mirror
1. American Horror Story

Seriously, American Horror Story was a brilliant mixture of The Shining and David Cronenberg and every horror film ever and Glee. Well not Glee, it was just created by the same people, Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk. The perfect cast even included Jessica Lange and Frances Conroy, whose character is simultaneously old and young and dead. In fact 90% of the characters are dead. It is set in "Murder House" after all, hence why there's a thing in the basement and a thing in the attic. They might as well have included the exchange:
"In the interest of full disclosure, I should warn you that this house is known as "Murder House."
"We'll take it!"
"No seriously, all the previous owners were killed in here."
"I'll double the asking price!"
"Listen to me, you will definitely be brutally murdered in this house."
"You had me at Murder!"

TV Comedy:
5. Him & Her
4. Fresh Meat
3. Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle
2. 30 Rock
1. Community

And my thoughts remain with Community during its hiatus. Thank fuck for the return of 30 Rock to keep me sane during this difficult time.

Music (Gigs and Albums):
5. If Not Now, When? - Incubus
4. Queens of the Stone Age - Queens of the Stone Age (Originally released in 1998 but thankfully re-released this year)
3. Incubus at the Manchester O2
2. The Skints at loads of places
1. Jamiroquai at the O2 Arena

That Jamiroquai gig was one of those special, unforgettable experiences, and not just because Jay Kay spoke to me.

Live Comedy
5. The Future Is Another Place - Josie Long
4. Richard Herring (Christ on a Bike and What Is Love, Anyway? and AIOTM *aiotm*)
3. Carpet Remnant World - Stewart Lee
2. Curse Sir Walter Raleigh - Michael Legge
1. The Trap (X and Bad Musical)

Not forgetting the brilliant Robin Ince and his ridiculous amount of stuff; people with shows so great that I saw them twice such as Tony Law and Tim Key; and those geniuses that I finally saw for the first time like Simon Munnery and Dave Gorman.

Thank you for reading, happy new year! Enjoy 2012, even though there's going to be that big, ghastly, expensive affair with all the nationalism and shooting. No not the Olympics, the US Presidential election! Hahahahah oh fucking hell let's just hope the Mayans were right. I'll leave you with the Hotspots song that this blog is named after, enjoy!

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