Saturday, 18 June 2011

Stop at the Station, Get on the Bus, Head to Town

There are only three things in the world that I hate, and one of them is the price of buses.

Obviously by that I mean bus fares, I haven't tried to buy an actual bus. Though I doubt that would be much more expensive. Also, I realise that complaining about the price of bus fares is something characteristic
of old people, but so is casual racism and incontinence, and rarely am I casually racist.

So today I needed to go to town to buy a present for my mum, because it's her birthday tomorrow, and for my aunt, because she's my mum's twin so it's her birthday tomorrow, and for my dad, because it's his birthday tomorrow, and for my dad again, because it's Father's Day tomorrow. Needless to say, I no longer have any money. Anyway, it was raining so I got a bus, and my exchange with the bus driver went exactly like this:

Me: Single to St Peter's Street please.
Him: That's £2.20.
Me: [Pause] £2.20?
Him: Yes.
Me: For a single?
Him: Yes.
Me: To St Peter's Street?
Him: Yes.
Me: St Peter's Street St Albans? [Expecting him to say, 'Oh sorry, £2.20 is the fare to St Peter's Street Texas.']
Him: [Getting annoyed] Yes.
Me: [Turning to get off the bus] Well I don't have enough then, sorry.
Him: How much do you have?
Me: About £1.60.
Him: Ok, that'll do.

And he gave me the ticket. And I was really happy! Until I realised that even £1.60 was still extortionate. Just to contextualise this for anyone unfamiliar with St Albans buses; that would be a 10 minute bus ride. I wouldn't expect to pay more than £1.20 for a single. And that's still way too much. Fucking £2.20?! Is it a magic bus? Does it fly? Are the seats made of gold? Is there a free iPod with every fare? No? Then I'm not paying over £2 THANK YOU.

I did also have a £20 note on me (I'd done a Dan) but I was worried that if I handed him that he'd only give me £1 change and blame it on constantly increasing fares. By the way, if you happen to live outside the UK, a word of advice; bus drivers LOVE it when you try to pay a couple of quid fare with a £20 note. Try it, it honestly makes their day. They'll love you even more if you hand them a £50. Trust me.

Anyway, I'd be happy if stupidly expensive bus fares were just a tax on the lazy, but it's more than that, it's practically an abuse of human rights. I felt violated. And it's all David Cameron's fault. I feel like I've been raped by David Cameron. I'd also like to thank that bus driver for letting me off the ridiculous fare and only charging me a slightly less ridiculous fare. And when my mum, dad and aunt open their shit presents, I'll say 'I'm sorry, but I spent all my money on the bus fare. You shouldn't be annoyed at me, you should be annoyed at David Cameron. Besides, he didn't get you anything.'

Thanks for reading, the title of this blog comes from the Big D & The Kids Table song Stop, Look & Listen (Shake Life Up). I will leave you with that song, enjoy!

1 comment:

  1. Unfortunately it's the price we pay for the regular bus service. 304 on the other hand, to Hitchin from Morrisons is £3:40 but only comes every hour.