Tuesday, 9 November 2010

Choking On A Piece Of Meat

There are only three things in the world that I hate, and one of them is being a vegetarian.

I've been a vegetarian for a month now, and I've come across three annoying things about it. I know some hardcore veggies will be reading this and thinking, "hah, only a month?! I've been meat-free since the womb. Try only bathing in lentils." So I don't mean to sound like I'm whining, I've just noticed these annoying things about being a vegetarian.

Firstly, there is so little choice for vegetarians. If I want to just grab a sandwich from a newsagent, I have to plough through hundreds of sandwiches all called things like "meat feast" and "meat lovers" and "prepare to meat your gator" and "BLT" and "BLTCRMCMLOMAB" before finally finding one called "cheese." Only to discover it went out of date in 1987. That's pretty much all thats left sandwich-wise, cheese. Luckily I like cheese, but if I didn't I'd have starved to death. I have a new found admiration for vegans. Here I am complaining about how little I can eat, when they have to forage in the woods to survive. Ethically-produced hats off to them.

Secondly, I am now paranoid about what I can and cannot eat. Every bite I take is laden with fear that there's some trace of meat in whatever I'm eating. Even if it says Suitable For Vegetarians on it, I still distrust it, as if that labels been stuck there by an evil farmer. What if there's meat in this glass of water? Or in this soya bean? Or in this bacon sandwich?

Finally, the stigma. I'm scared to tell people, it's like "coming out." In fact, I'm sure the response of most of my friends will be, "are you gay or something?"

Well I must stop typing now, my skinny vegetarian arms are aching (Yes they were skinny when I ate meat, I know), so I'll leave you with the song this blog is named after, by the brilliantly funky Poets Of Rhythm. (Except I can't find it on youtube, so here's another of their songs which still sticks to this blog's theme: Ham Gallery. Enjoy!)


  1. Welcome to my world...

    Why did you choose to become Vegetarian? I always thought you were a Mocker of the non-meat eaters

  2. All the classic reasons I guess, I imagine the same as why you're vegetarian. If I mocked you it was purely through my own guilt, my belated apologies

  3. I don't think YOU mocked me, but thanks for the apologies
    Vegetarian's the way to go
    It gets easier after a while. Or you just get used to eating cheese sandwiches