Saturday, 8 September 2012

Killers of the New Frontier

There are only three things in the world that I hate, and one of them is The Killers.

That's all I have to say really. Thanks for reading!

Fine, I'll elaborate. This came to my attention on Twitter yesterday (which was my birthday thanks) and the fact that Brandon Flowers (from off of The Killers) and Jimmy Carr (from off of not paying tax) are friends is simultaneously totally bizarre and completely logical. Of course they're friends, they probably sit around talking about themselves.

It's also interesting to learn where The Killers actually get their ideas from. I always assumed they scraped them from the bottom of a massive barrel. But it turns out they get them from Jimmy Carr. So in a way I was right. But what other bands are actually being fed ideas by television comedians? Are Muse songs based on Russell Howard routines? Does Michael McIntyre write for Kings of Leon? Is Frankie Boyle friends with Coldplay?

So Jimmy Carr looks up from his dinner and says: "It seems that humans get annoyed when you don't pay tax. It's as if they care about the economy more than they care about me. What's that all about? Anyway, you should write a song about the economy." At which point Brandon Flowers spits out a mouthful of... flowers, I guess, and exclaims: "The economy! Why didn't I think of that?!" These are all direct quotes by the way.

I can only assume that the resulting song, "Deadlines and Commitments", is as profound and important as we've come to expect from The Killers. No doubt it has already solved all the economic problems in the world, just through the power of music and Mormonism. 

But that's all fine; if Brandon Flowers and Jimmy Carr are having dinner together then at least they're not out in the world. What's not fine, however, is Brandon Flowers saying:

"Guitar bands aren't writing songs. Write a f**king song, get over yourself. There aren't any. Where are they? Dance music cannot compete with a really great rock and roll song ... There ain't no DJ that's gonna play something that can take 'Mr Brightside' or 'Don't Look Back In Anger'. Those songs are better than that."

What the fuck does Brandon Flowers know about rock and roll? I know it's hard to define, and in fact it's easier to say when things are definitely not rock and roll. So here are some things that are definitely not rock and roll:

Being a Mormon. Two things that we know go hand in hand with rock and roll are of course sex and drugs. But Mormonism prohibits both sex and drugs. Including coffee. Coffee! Admittedly, Mormonism is associated with polygamy which could be kind of rock and roll... but Brandon Flowers only has one wife, so he's not even rock and roll within the Mormon community. So no Brandon Flowers, being a Mormon - who, let's not forget, forbid sex and alcohol and coffee - is not rock and roll.

Being friends with Jimmy Carr. Being friends with comedians could be rock and roll; being friends with Bill Hicks, now that would be rock and roll. But you're not friends with Bill Hicks, you're friends with Jimmy Carr. And that's not rock and roll; it's just very, very boring.

The Killers. The Killers are not rock and roll. You mentioned "Mr Brightside", Brandon Flowers. In fact, you mentioned it as an example of one of the greatest songs ever, despite it being your own song. After using the phrase "get over yourself." But anyway, is "Mr Brightside" rock and roll? That song that plays in clubs to squeeze out every last drop of every young person's individuality? Is that rock and roll? Is that what Led Zeppelin fought for? I know they didn't fight, the point is, The Killers are not rock and roll. 

Thanks for reading, the title of this blog comes from the song Wind Below by Rage Against the Machine, who very much are rock and roll. Enjoy!

1 comment:

  1. 'kay so not to be a dick, and not that anyone will actually read this, but you're being a bit of a prick. why so mean about jimmy carr? what makes you think he's boring? he's not the only dude who dodged tax - he was just unfairly singled out! David Cameron goes and labels Jimmy as "morally wrong", but forgets to mention that his (David Cameron)'s dad made all his money on off-shore bank accounts! the dude's a bloody hypocrite and just singled out Jimmy Carr for no logical reason. Jimmy admitted he'd made a mistake, and he's no longer involved in the scheme, so you can drop the 'tax dodger' references. Everyone makes mistakes. You dont know Jimmy Carr, so what gives you the right to cruelly judge him? For all you know he could actually be a nice guy.