Sunday, 2 January 2011

Walking Away/Talking Away

There are only three things in the world that I hate, and here are three of them. They are to do with walking, and talking. As the title suggests.

1. The most annoying thing about walking down the street is when people walk too slowly in front of you, right? Wrong. That is annoying, but not the most annoying thing. In fairness to the slow walkers in front of you, they can't see you. However, the people walking towards you can see you. That's why the most annoying thing about walking down the street is people walking towards you who don't move out of the way. You know, when you're walking along on your own, with a shopping bag full of shampoo and Diet Coke, and there are two people walking side by side towards you. The pavement is not wide enough for three people, so obviously they need to move into single file, just until they pass you. But do they? Do they fuck. They keep walking next to each other, forcing you to step into the road. Sound familiar? No? Maybe its just me. But it happens all the time. Even when its just one person walking towards me, and its obvious that one of us needs to change our trajectory, its always me. And I know stepping into the road isn't exactly risking my life, but its the sheer fucking arrogance of people assuming they own the pavement. They do not own the pavement. Unless they work for the council or something. But if everyone who does it works for the council then they're massively overstaffed. Oh, and its the same when people stand right in front of the doors when you're trying to get off a train.

2. When people say "joking!" after something thats obviously a joke. Try this as a rule: If you have to make clear that its a joke by saying "joking!" after it, its not worth saying. If its funny, people will understand that its a joke. If it sounds so much like a serious comment that it requires the word "joking!" after it, its probably not funny enough to say. If you jokingly call your friend a cunt or something, they'll understand that you're joking, without you having to spell it out. If they think you're being serious, then reassess your friendship.

3. The word "banter" used the way it is now. Fuck off.

I will leave you with the song that this blog is named after, Walking Away by the best band in the world, Streetlight Manifesto. Enjoy!

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