Just Another Tory

As you know, I love everything in the world, with the exception of three things. One of those things that I love is this piece of news. 

That's right, the men and women (but mainly men) who run this country all squeezed into a very old room and decided, admirably and decisively, that the Tories are homophobic. Oh and that gay people should be legally allowed to own pets, or something.

It's genuinely rare that we can look upon a piece of legislation and confidently call it progress, whatever that word means. But here it seems that we can, so congratulations to the MPs who actually represent the thoroughly cool and groovy people of Britain. And I'm glad David Cameron doesn't seem too shaken up by Michael Winner's death, I know he was a big fan of those car insurance adverts.

What I don't understand, though, is why around half of the Conservatives voted against the bill. It was always going to pass, so you might as well just pretend, just for one vote, that you're not an awful bigot. By opposing gay marriage, not only are you going to piss off David Cameron and the party command, you're also revealing to the world just how out of touch and lacking in compassion you truly are, Anne Main (St Albans). This vote revealed the limited nature of the Tory party's "modernisation", with 136 voting against compared to 127 in favour. With their archaic values still very much alive and well, it's clear that gay marriage passed despite the Conservatives, not because of them.

And speaking of Tories, it looks like everybody's favourite crypto-fascist vanity project is coming to an end. Yes, Menshn, which is NOT named after Louise Mensch, is set to close after about 8 months of no one giving a fuck. In a hilarious blog, Luke Bozier explains that Louise Mensch, who DIDN'T name Menshn after herself, might not be the easiest person to work with. So there's a shock.

Well that's gay marriage and Menshn wrapped up, my blog really has nothing more to offer. Especially as 30 Rock has ended too. At least we still have Jamiroquai. When they split up we're really fucked.

I Don't Care(y)

There are only three things in the world that I hate, and one of them is Lord Carey.

Sorry to keep going on about gay marriage, but the thing is I know fuck nothing about politics. I mean, I study politics and philosophy, the word "study" here being used in its broadest possible sense. But actually, my only knowledge of politics comes from a combination of TV shows like The Thick of It, comedians like Josie Long and bands like Rage Against the Machine. This means that I rarely feel confident enough to come down strongly on one side of a debate. So when I do, it's because the right thing to do seems so glaringly fucking obvious that even an idiot like me could see it. It's with that in mind that we turn to the man himself; Nicholas Parsons. I mean Lord Carey.

To recap, Lord Carey is the former Archbishop of Canterbury who wants to deny gay people the same rights as him, who responded to Nick Clegg's (completely correct) comments about opponents of gay marriage being "bigots" by claiming to be offended and making Nick Clegg take it back which he did, because our values are so backward that they're seulav.

Then, at a fringe event at the Tory party conference, he compared opponents of gay marriage to the persecuted Jews in Nazi Germany, and the supporters of gay marriage to the Nazis. Now, I'm no expert, but I'm not sure gay rights were particularly high up on the Nazi agenda. In fact now that I think about it, and I may be wrong, but I think, that denying homosexuals their rights was more the Nazis' bag. Obviously I'm not calling Lord Carey a Nazi, because that would be a horribly offensive comparison for anyone to make. What I'm saying is that he's a piece of work. Wait, not work; shit. Lord Carey is a piece of shit.

We have Thatcher to thank for his appointment to the position of Archbishop of Canterbury, and now he is a member (unelected, obviously) of our legislature. This man should not be a Lord, and I'm not even sure if he can pull off "Carey." It's just a misspelling of Carrey, and he's even worse than Jim Carrey. Speaking of which, I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind recently, and the fact that it's Kate Winslet who's so massively revered and Jim Carrey who's so widely ridiculed just adds to my fear that we have everything completely backwards. But where was I? Oh yeah, Lord Carey is a piece of shit. Fun fact: his real name is Lord I. Don't. Carey (about anyone other than myself). And don't get me started on Rowan fucking Williams.

At the same event as Carey's Nazi comments, Ann Widdecombe spoke with all the eloquence that we've come to expect from her, asking: "Is it bigoted to recognise that the complementarity of a man and a woman in a union open to procreation is unique and cannot be replicated by other unions?" Yes. That's exactly what it is.

Speaking of pieces of shit, Jeremy "least qualified man for the job" Hunt recently managed to dribble something about wanting to halve the abortion limit, showing that he has as much respect for women as he does for science. He's the health secretary and he believes in homeopathy. Because fuck you MR. SCIENTIST, with your rigorous peer-reviewed system based on evidence and commitment to the progress of humanity. Incidentally, if you repeatedly dilute Jeremy Hunt, he might drown. So that's worth remembering. 

Anyway, the homeopathic fuckcunt turned his expertise towards the female reproductive system. He claimed that "everyone looks at the evidence", which is a lie because he clearly doesn't, and he concluded that the abortion limit should be shortened to 12 weeks into a pregnancy. The rest of the creepy fucking Silence of the Lambs cabinet rushed to agree with him but denied that there would be a change in the law with a level of fervency that suggests that there will definitely be a change in the law.

Gay people and women people; I do not envy you.

Thank you for reading, the title of this blog is a super smart play on The Roots song with which I will leave you. Enjoy!

The Evolution of Gayness

There are only three things in the world that I hate, and one of them is this piece of news. 

If you can't be arsed to read that article, I'll sum it up for you: Nick Clegg says something right for once; forced to apologise.

The second that Clegg went into coalition with the Tories he put his spine up for sale on eBay, with the comments: "Good quality, I just no longer have any need for it. Collection only." Since then he has folded on everything from tuition fees to Lords reform, and making jokes about him has become as boring as Nick Clegg. Okay there might still be some mileage in that. But today, he surprised everyone by calling opponents of gay marriage "bigots", and was right to do so. However, he was forced to withdraw the comment, because the world is a ridiculous and backward place.

Apparently it's okay to discriminate against people based on their sexuality, but it's not okay to call those who do so "bigots", despite that being exactly what they are. It's a bit like the time Gordon Brown had to apologise to that bigoted woman after he called her a "bigoted woman", but even worse.

Former Archbishop of Canterbury Lord Carey said that Clegg's statement was "very offensive", displaying a lack of self-awareness you'd normally associate with children or inanimate objects. This man, Jim Carey or whatever his name is, goes "I can do this, but you can't purely because you are gay," and then claims to be "very offended" when challenged. What's more offensive than denying someone their rights and dignity based on their sexuality? Well according to Lord Jim Carey, the word "bigot" is worse. He thinks that a single word which has no effect on his rights as a person is offensive, while trying to stop people from enjoying the same rights as him. It doesn't just show total hypocrisy, it shows a complete lack of humanity.

Nick Clegg actually stands up and says something important, and the bigots claim that it's a violation of their rights, and it's him who has to apologise. It's beyond parody. Coalition for Marriage actually called Clegg's comments "intolerant." Let's go through that: A group committed to preventing equal rights for gay people called someone else "intolerant". And rather than being laughed at for their fucking idiocy, they got their way. Nick Clegg did withdraw his comments, which is always a bizarre thing to happen, someone retracting something they've said. We know they think it, but suddenly they've un-said it so it's okay? Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yeah, the world is fucking stupid.

"This is not the way the Deputy Prime Minister behaves," said Tory MP Peter Bone, managing to string enough caveman sounds together to form a coherent sentence, albeit a fucking awful one. No, it's not the way the Deputy Prime Minister behaves; but maybe it should be. Maybe if our politicians weren't afraid to be honest then politics in this country would be less reactionary, less close-minded and less boring. Let's allow people to actually express their opinions without insisting they stick to some unbearably tepid party line. Let's stop being bullied by bigots who claim to be offended while discriminating based on sexuality. Let's stop stifling free speech while upholding bigoted laws.

Thanks for reading, this blog is named after the brilliant Baba Brinkman song in which the rapping biologist explains how homosexuality might survive genetically using the power of hip-hop. Enjoy!