Midnight Swim

There are only three things in the world that I hate, and one of them is cancer. Yeah that's right, I said it.

But enough of that now. Instead, something slightly different. Here is a 5 stage plan for you to follow if you're ever going swimming.

1. Swim in a lane next to one in which a swimming lesson is taking place.

2. Pick out a child. (Not physically, obviously. That can get you into all kinds of trouble. I just mean select one of the children in the swimming lesson. The criteria for which child to pick is entirely up to you. Why can I see this blog being read out as evidence in some kind of court?)

3. Learn the child's name. (Again, the method you choose to do this is up to you. Ideally, pick a child with the same name as you.)

4. Swim in exactly the same way as them. Copy them precisely.

5. Follow the instructions the teacher directs at 'your' child.

Ta-da, free swimming lessons! You're welcome.

Oh and I am in no way responsible for any legal repercussions you may face as a result of this blog.

I'll leave you with the Incubus song that this blog is named after. Enjoy!